Reminded yet again how unforgivingly fast time goes by, and how quickly kids grow up.
For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.
“
| — | F. Scott Fitzgerald |
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
It’s twenty seconds to the last call…
Lie down, you know it’s easy, like we did it all summer long
Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish it’s source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.
“
| — | Anais Nin |
He sought for meaning without having to ever worry about being hungry, or whether or not the sun would shine the next day. It is only when your stomach is filled and your mind is clear that you will even have the privilege to search for purpose, for meaning; What is the point of living every day in a house filled with jewels and riches as your disposal? It wasn’t because he didn’t have enough of everything - the excess was unbearable, and meaning is hard to find when the world is in your hands. Picturing your future is easy when plays are written for you to act out.
My professor said that in order for for a country to progress, its people must not be living for pure survival. When a body is hungry, its dreams are first to die, and then what does a country become? Nobody wants to live in a place where young people grow old without ever living.
Everything is driven by the desire to attain more, but in a land of plenty, what if what they want is something you cannot buy?
I packed up my middle school years today in two plastic boxes and stored them underneath my bed, successfully saying goodbye to the three worst years of my life. I hated middle school - the confusion, the cliques, the awkward conversations. I went back and chatted with a couple of old middle school teachers this week, and I definitely have a new found respect for them. They’re such kind-hearted, well-intentioned people who are stuck with kids going through the hardest period of their lives.
I’m not sure who to blame for the cuts and bruises and lost time. Faces and names run through my head and I do not know how to deal with the bitter aftertaste of betrayal or loss or the let downs and lies. But then I turn around and realize that I do have many to thank for the band-aids, for the words of comfort, for that one text, for the gentle touches and wholehearted apologies that have kept me going, so I focus on those people instead.
what are your thoughts on your first year at cal? :]
AnonymousI had an amazing year. I’ve told people this…I shiver at the idea of the person I would be without a Cal education. I’ve loved every minute of my year here, and have learned so much. Looking forward to my next one (; Go bears!
I love the College of Natural Resources at Berkeley. They have amazing advisors (they know your name, are interested and aware of your life and studies, you can walk in any day without an appointment, and they talk to you without time limits!), free printing, and all these comfy sofas!
A guy in my Unit committed suicide tonight by jumping out of his dorm window. I have to get up in about 4 hours to take my first of three finals, but I haven’t studied all night and am not able to sleep. Everything I’ve been stressing about for the past two weeks - the finals and essays - seem so insignificant. I’m not sure how I’m feeling or what I’m supposed to feel, but when I walked past his body tonight, it broke my heart. His body was so young and there are so many lost days; I can’t even imagine what he must have gone through. I hope he’s at peace, in a better place.
